Almost everyone encounters Imposter Syndrome I believe, and if you don’t, I’d like to know where you get your confidence from!
For those who don’t know, Imposter Syndrome is your personal perception where you have self-doubt and believe you’re not qualified for the position you’re in despite the experience, qualification or accomplishments you’ve had.
I experience this every so often, depending on my circumstances and it ebbs and flows from day to day and while I don’t have a handle on it, I thought it’d be good to write about it, consider this my therapy session, and you my reader are the therapist.
Let the session begin!
They’re Better Than You
While I don’t know when I first started having these feelings of Imposter Syndrome, I know that I get it from different things. As a magician, I really feel incompetent around other magicians, who just seem more confident and have more experience. I’d do gigs with other magician friends and while I know I’m good at what I do, when I hear another group explode with a big reaction with the other magician, my ego takes a hit and thoughts start flooding my head -
“Why don’t I get reactions like that?”
“What am I doing wrong?”
The commercial magic industry capitalises on this, where their latest magic releases will have a trailer showing amazing reactions that you can get if you buy this hyped up trick. You get a feeling of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) if you don’t get the trick, and while I don’t necessarily feel that with all releases, I feel that when I see a worker magician post a reel or story and they’ve done something to get an amazing reaction. I end up messaging them to ask what tricks they do in the hopes that there is some holy grail I haven’t come across but more often than not, it’s something I’m aware of or already have in my repertoire.
The truth is, you just need to be a likeable and relatable person first, which will then allow your magic to shine through.
Then there’s this pursuit of writing that I’m currently enthralled in, writing about magic despite not being a full time professional magician. I’m talking about topics that I know other magicians would know sooooooo much more about but here I am, churning out posts week to week, hoping someone doesn’t call me out for not knowing what I’m talking about or questioning my credentials as a nobody in the community. Or I read other writers works and can’t help but think
“Why can’t I write as well as them!?”
How do I resolve this? Thankfully, the part that doesn’t care and knowledge that there are beginners that would benefit even a little bit from my writings propelled me to put digits to keyboard, but every week those thoughts still linger…
But Are They?
And therein lies the problem, it’s a mental game! It’s what I think about others that is causing the grief in my head - I’m creating the problem and others aren’t doing anything except being themselves!
So how do I deal with it? Do I hang out with them less, stop thinking those thoughts or just work on being the best version of myself I can be? Ideally those last two would be the way to go.
It doesn’t matter whether others are truly better than you or not, everyone has their own race they’re running and there are going to be bumps along the way that slow us down. We just need to put the work and preparation in so that we can navigate those down times and come out running steadily ahead.
I don’t need to win; I just need to be able to keep moving forward.
If we approach our art, writing or work with the intention of winning, then we are going to lose a lot more than we win. Granted there are times when we do need to win, such as locking in that gig, delivering on the service we are providing or meeting that deadline, but in other circumstances we need to head in the right direction, and it’s with little things such as
Reading a few pages of that book that’s collecting dust
Sending out that email you’ve been thinking too long about
Practicing that trick you bought instead of doom scrolling
Connecting with that friend you’ve been meaning to for ages
Jotting down those ideas for your next post or creation
I’m sure you’ve got some actions in your own head that you have been wanting to get done but haven’t for many reasons you’ve come up with.
Moving Forward
Will I get ever get over my Imposter Syndrome? I doubt it as I’m sure when I’m doing this full time there will come along someone who is doing “better” than me and those thoughts of self doubt start creeping in again.
But when that happens, I’ll be able to look back and see all the accomplishments I’ve done to get to where I am. In my current case, I’ve slowed down on my YouTube channel, despite growing to 800 subscribers and being 200 short of the big 1k milestone, so while others are growing steadily or at faster rates than me, I’m not bothered and have my own plans.
My writing here has been consistent and I’ve recently hit 200 subscribers, which I’m incredibly thankful for especially in a niche such as magic, and while there are other writers talking about their 1000+ subscribers, I’m comfortable with my rate of growth.
I’ve yet to perform at a gig since this year has started, while other magicians out there are working consistently, but am I worried? Nahhh, I’m just enjoying my moment of downtime before things get busy again…and if they don’t, I guess I’ll leave that for future David to deal with because I don’t need that mental stress right now.
Do you every encounter Imposter Syndrome and how do you deal with it? I feel like there’s some great discussion to be had.
Looks like our time is up!